Hello and welcome! Here's a bit about my origin story so you can get a sense of my roots. I grew up in NJ in a chaotic and loving household filled with six other individuals: five kids total and two adults who were overwhelmed by work and caring for a large family.
My parents were educated in the Philippines and came to the US to build a new life. They're my heroes AND I also spent many years blaming them for just about everything that was wrong in my life.
Did you go through that phase too?
After I got divorced in my 30s, I realized that blame wasn't helpful. It was accountability that was necessary for me to take full responsibility for my life and my decisions.
And now here we are, at age 46, finally understanding what's been going on in the background physiologically.
My nervous system was constantly being challenged, whether it was emotionally, psychologically, physically, or mentally. It could never quite catch a break. Most of us are living in this space of not being aware and present in our bodies because we're rarely taught to self-regulate effectively.
If you're not familiar with Polyvagal Theory, check out THIS LINK.
What's super cool about nervous system regulation is how it links up with attachment theory.
Try not to get caught up in labeling yourself a specific attachment style. It really depends on the context of a relationship and it's very possible that you can be more anxiously attached with one person and more avoidant with someone else.
The main gist with the overlap of these theories is that they help you understand what the heck's been going on in your life so you can actually do something about it!
So here's the really concise version of that:
When you can understand the things that trigger your alarm system (AKA your nervous system), you can 1. Learn ways to tweak the system so it's not as sensitive, 2. You can discover what alerts the system, 3. You can install the system in a completely different environment, 4. You can make the system highly adaptable.
#4 is my main goal in our sessions together.
We're creating a baseline of safety inside your body so that THEN you can be centered enough to take a look at your environment (your relationships).
Make sense? I hope so! There are amazing experts out there who can explain this more deeply. Check out THIS PODCAST to really understand what's happening on the relationships side of things.
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